What your baristas want to tell you but never will

Anybody who has ever worked in the service industry, whether they are jerks or the nicest people you've ever met,  has a list of things that annoy the living shit out of them. When I was working in the coffee industry several years ago in Hawaii I asked a few of my friends to write down a list of their pet peeves about customers. You should have seen their eyes light up. It was like giving a pyromaniac a gallon of gas and a box of matches and telling them to go have a good time. I ran across two of them today and still found it amusing so I thought I'd share.

Steve's list
1. Ya, ya, ya, I know...Nonfat, sugarfree, vanilla latte, extra hot, with 2 pumps and no foam. And are you looking for a publisher?
2. You know, you can tell a lot about a person by the coffee they order. High Maintenance? Probably...
3. I do not get paid enough to listen to you bitch.. Let me find someone who does get paid enough.
4. Seriously? You've been standing in line for 5 minutes and still don't know what the hell you want?
5. Yes...people like you are the reason you stood in line for so long. Know what you want and have your money ready.
6. Tall is bigger than small. Where did you go to school?
7. "Sugar-free caramel" is an oxymoron you ignorant ass.

Heather's list
1. A large, nonfat, caramel latte is NOT NONFAT.
2. I am a barista, not a tour guide.
3. I am a barista, not a restaurant connoisseur.
4. I don't set the prices just to piss you off. In fact, I don't set them at all.
5. Just because I work at a coffee shop doesn't mean that I'm not smart.
6. Just because I work for minimum wage doesn't give you the right to make inappropriate comments about me.
7. I know exactly what you're doing when you order your cafe macchiato iced in a medium cup.
8. You have no idea how much I want to spit in your drink when you talk to me like that.
9. If I were as mean as you are there WOULD be a loogie in your drink.
10. Don't use the fact that you haven't had YOUR coffee yet as an excuse to be an ass.
11. Listen when we repeat your order back to you. We do it because we know you are bound to change your mind.
12. We repeat your order back to you so you know how riddiculous you sound.