Jasper, Our Little Human.

It's annoying when you're tired and can't sleep.

I think I'm dehydrated. My mouth is dry and my feet are thirsty.

I probably shouldn't be blogging in this state. You never know what could slip past my filter and run down my fingers and onto the page. Whatever. Good or bad here we go.

So I have been thinking for awhile how having a dog is very much like having a child (This coming from a childless individual who has been slightly phobic of children her entire life). Jasper is the most needy canine I have ever encountered. Perhaps he would be slightly more balanced if he wasn't an "only child" but I don't think so. This dog exhibits very human-like characteristics. Perhaps it's because Michael and I talk to him like he's a small furry person, perhaps it's because he's not actually a dog at all but an alien in dog's clothing, but whatever the case he's smart to a fault. And he's crafty.

Reasons Jasper is like a human:

#1. He sits.
Yes, yes. I know. All dogs sit. But not all dogs sit ON you. Jasper likes to park himself right on your lap, leg, back, whatever. He's like the toddlers I play with twice a month at MOPs. You sit down on the floor to see what they're up to and before you know it, you've got one on each knee and another in line. It's incredibly endearing in children. In Jasper? Once you remember that he isn't a child you catch yourself wondering, "Where on earth did he learn this?"

#2. He's an expert at positioning.
You're watching something on your computer. Jasper will come and stand right in front of the screen. Snuggling with The Captain on the floor in front of the couch? Right between you. He knows exactly where he needs to be to get attention.

#3. The life of the party.
Having a little soiree? Guess who is going to be vying for everyones attention all night? Exiling him to the lanai is not an option because he can still see you and we don't have enough cheese to go with that much whine. With a room full of people he will drive you mad with the amount of energy he can muster, but the minute people leave he's out cold.  An amazing phenomenon.

#4. Guilt trips.
His face is outrageously expressive. He smiles. He frowns. He gives you the worst, "You're leaving me?" eyes ever. I'm going to be such a push over someday. Not saying that I'm going to leave my child at home. Alone. On the Lanai. Unattended...

#5. No telemarking.
It's been my experience, having grown up with dogs, that you can usually tell what's going on in a pup's head. They see a ball. Their tail starts to wag. They smile and get jumpy/whiny. "Throw the BALL!" The ball is thrown. Dog is elated. Roll credits.

This is not exactly Jasper's way of processing situations.  1. You hold out a chew toy and tell him to sit. 2. He sits, looking completely calm and collected. 3. You stare into his eyes and as you wonder how long he's going to stay like that he raises his eyebrows and bites your face off.

In the same vein, you never can tell what goes on in the mind of a child. One minute they're gurgly and happy, the next minute you have throw up all over you favorite purple shirt.

True story.